Friday, January 11, 2013

pet peeves

Two things that get under my skin the most are when people a) don't give you an answer and b) backhanded compliments.
I called a family member to ask for a favor. I said at the beginning, I understand if the answer is no, I really do, but please, just let me know because I need to know to make other arrangements.
But of course being my family, they seem to think if they don't let me know the situation will go away.
Really, how hard is it to be courteous and tell someone "I'm sorry, but I can't." This let's the person know that they need to make other arrangements. I guess I already knew the answer when they didn't call me back, but I was already pretty sure before I even called what the answer would be.
Even now, I feel like I'm being handed answers to pacify instead of just hearing "No, I don't think we can do that." I really hate that.
Which leads me to my other really big pet peeve. Backhanded compliments.
You know the kind. When someone looks at something you put time and effort into and instead of saying "wow, this is nice, thank you", instead you hear something like "Oh, I'm glad to see someone finally went ahead with that plan." Especially when it's followed up with what you did wrong.
Did it matter to this person that they were essentially tearing apart three hours of my hard work and time? Nope. I'd rather you didn't give me a compliment than smile in my face, emphasis what I did wrong and give me a not outright "f@#(< you". Hell, I'd appreciate it more if you just looked at me "f- you".
I don't understand why people think that these two actions are good. It seems to me that more than anything else they breed the resentment that the person issuing either seemed to be trying to avoid. I know I appreciate no more than a non response... A non response simply tells me that I don't even rate enough respect for you to call me back. Wow. So, why would I want to keep in touch with you? And a backhanded compliment just leaves me with my fist clenched and wondering why I subjected myself to that.
Please note that constructive criticism or criticism at all are not seen the same as a back handed compliment. The two are very different and easy to differentiate. It's like the popular girl at school who says "LOVE your outfit, it's so not like what you usually wear." These are things that make me want to look at people and give them my daughters "Guide to Manners" book.

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