Its three am and I am still awake. I got some writing done with more still in my head, roaring to get out. I miss this feeling, its around so rarely now. I'd almost forgotten the feeling of needing to write and being tired, unable to concentrate on what to write next, but unable to sleep because of the storyboard in my head, giving direction to the chatacters and mapping out the next few scenes; filling me in on what is going on in each characters head.
That is a wonderful feeling..
Sunday, December 30, 2012
Saturday, December 29, 2012
Two pissed women
The last thing you should want when you are in the electronics business is two extremely pissed off women returning things.
My Girlfriend and I got her some electronics from a big chain store. The first time we were so focused on what we had to do and the excitement that we were able to pick up one of the hot items that we didn't notice there was something wrong...at first. Several hours later we did notice however.
I called the store to inform them of the problem and that we were bringing the laptop back for an exchange. The man I spoke to not once or twice but three times got rude with me. Or at the least he walked all the way up to the line of being rude without quite crossing it.
He even had the nerve to lie to me about who the managers on duty were.
Now, I will admit that I am not the be-all-know-all about computers or electronics in general. But I do know quite a bit about things and I do not take well to someone talking to me like I don't know how to find the power button on the device -- or like I can't distinguish a screen that demands a password to even be able to login and a screen asking for a wifi password!
When we walked into the store we immediately asked for a manager and got the problem taken care of. Please keep in mind that I have left several things out of this story for simplicity sake (I mean, do you really want to hear me rant about how over the phone said jerk refused to even hold another computer for us even though we were on route to do an exchange, or even check to see if there WERE any still there or how when I walked in I walked directly over there and managed to grab the last one?).
The manager was excellent, and it was to the benefit of the store that he was otherwise my friend would have simply returned the item and bought it online.
Too many times these days many stores don't seem to bother with customer service and too many employees seem to have decided that they don't have to worry about treating the customers with respect and this makes me not only sad but really pissed off.
My Girlfriend and I got her some electronics from a big chain store. The first time we were so focused on what we had to do and the excitement that we were able to pick up one of the hot items that we didn't notice there was something wrong...at first. Several hours later we did notice however.
I called the store to inform them of the problem and that we were bringing the laptop back for an exchange. The man I spoke to not once or twice but three times got rude with me. Or at the least he walked all the way up to the line of being rude without quite crossing it.
He even had the nerve to lie to me about who the managers on duty were.
Now, I will admit that I am not the be-all-know-all about computers or electronics in general. But I do know quite a bit about things and I do not take well to someone talking to me like I don't know how to find the power button on the device -- or like I can't distinguish a screen that demands a password to even be able to login and a screen asking for a wifi password!
When we walked into the store we immediately asked for a manager and got the problem taken care of. Please keep in mind that I have left several things out of this story for simplicity sake (I mean, do you really want to hear me rant about how over the phone said jerk refused to even hold another computer for us even though we were on route to do an exchange, or even check to see if there WERE any still there or how when I walked in I walked directly over there and managed to grab the last one?).
The manager was excellent, and it was to the benefit of the store that he was otherwise my friend would have simply returned the item and bought it online.
Too many times these days many stores don't seem to bother with customer service and too many employees seem to have decided that they don't have to worry about treating the customers with respect and this makes me not only sad but really pissed off.
Wednesday, December 26, 2012
Sleepless
I think I'm having a bit of insomnia. Thoughts of all the things I could/should be doing are flowing through my head. My days of the week are blurring together and my sense of time seems off. It doesn't feel like a Thursday.
I have Leverage playing in the background. It's a show that I love. My favorite character has to be Parker, the thief. I do so enjoy watching her tazzer people.
I did quite a bit of networking today; joining a couple of social medias and making sure my information was good on them, Updating Author information, emailing, etc. It was a productive day. I'm not sure what I will try to take care of when the sun comes up. Maybe take down my small tree and clean up my house. Attempt to get organized. When it comes to some things, I am really very good at organizing, at others, I seriously suck at it. My right brain seems to rebel at too much organization even though in order for me to have such a full and active life (that I'm developing) Organization is going to be a key element.
Perhaps if I can't sleep I will start to read that book on organizational tips I got a while ago...
Or perhaps I will pick up and scan through the Yiddish Dictionary and Phrasebook I got for Christmas...
I have Leverage playing in the background. It's a show that I love. My favorite character has to be Parker, the thief. I do so enjoy watching her tazzer people.
I did quite a bit of networking today; joining a couple of social medias and making sure my information was good on them, Updating Author information, emailing, etc. It was a productive day. I'm not sure what I will try to take care of when the sun comes up. Maybe take down my small tree and clean up my house. Attempt to get organized. When it comes to some things, I am really very good at organizing, at others, I seriously suck at it. My right brain seems to rebel at too much organization even though in order for me to have such a full and active life (that I'm developing) Organization is going to be a key element.
Perhaps if I can't sleep I will start to read that book on organizational tips I got a while ago...
Or perhaps I will pick up and scan through the Yiddish Dictionary and Phrasebook I got for Christmas...
New Addition
My kid is now an older sibling. Her baby sister (same father) was born today. Thankfully, she was healthy. My daughter is feeling both excited and nervous. She wants to meet her baby sister but she's scared that she isn't up to the responsibilities that will follow.
Earlier this week I spoke to a former friend. I won't lie, talking to her felt nice. I've never lied that I missed that. But I missed the friendship I thought we had. Now, because our children are still friends, I think she will end up being in my life again, and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. She said some pretty foul things to me. I didn't help with my reaction to it.
Isn't it funny how life twists and turns? Five years ago, heck, three years ago! I wouldn't have imagined myself where I am right now. That could be good or bad depending on how you look at things. I know that most of my friends say there are things about me that have changed, for the better. And some of my friends wish a few things would just change, but being the true friends they are, they don't preach their opinion to me. They allow me to make my mistakes, knowing that it's something I have to get through.
In just over a week I will be calling to make sure my schooling is getting set up so that I can begin my Classes on I believe January 15th. I'm looking forward to that. I'm so excited and a lot of the things I plan to achieve are based around me being back in school.
I'm writing again, in bits and pieces here and there, but I'm still writing. All of these things make me smile and sigh happily. School, my kid, and writing. These are the things that make me happy right now. When I have a car there will be another level of stress off my shoulders. And that is always a good thing.
Earlier this week I spoke to a former friend. I won't lie, talking to her felt nice. I've never lied that I missed that. But I missed the friendship I thought we had. Now, because our children are still friends, I think she will end up being in my life again, and I'm not really sure how I feel about that. She said some pretty foul things to me. I didn't help with my reaction to it.
Isn't it funny how life twists and turns? Five years ago, heck, three years ago! I wouldn't have imagined myself where I am right now. That could be good or bad depending on how you look at things. I know that most of my friends say there are things about me that have changed, for the better. And some of my friends wish a few things would just change, but being the true friends they are, they don't preach their opinion to me. They allow me to make my mistakes, knowing that it's something I have to get through.
In just over a week I will be calling to make sure my schooling is getting set up so that I can begin my Classes on I believe January 15th. I'm looking forward to that. I'm so excited and a lot of the things I plan to achieve are based around me being back in school.
I'm writing again, in bits and pieces here and there, but I'm still writing. All of these things make me smile and sigh happily. School, my kid, and writing. These are the things that make me happy right now. When I have a car there will be another level of stress off my shoulders. And that is always a good thing.
Tuesday, December 25, 2012
Holiday
When I was growing up, the holidays meant family coming together. Most of my life, that's what it was all about, whether I wanted to do it or not. As a teen, through most of high school, Christmas Day was anticipated. I looked forward to getting up early, opening my presents, then enjoying Christmas breakfast at my Uncle's house. Then I would stay there, hanging out with my aunt (as opposed to my cousins) because we actually enjoyed most of the same things. We'd watch movies, cross stitch, and read. I'd go home when Winter break was over, or sometimes for the new year. But that was the highlight of my Christmas vacation for me. Hanging out with my Aunt - though I'd try to ignore my cousins. They were my age and yet we seemed oceans apart.
Looking back, I wonder if I perhaps treated my aunt as the sibling I always wanted. Well, that and I always loved being able to escape from my home.
Years later, I'm a grown woman and find myself wishing for those forced parties again, at least sometimes. I don't see very much of my family anymore. Mostly because I don't want to. As I said, we are oceans apart, or at least it feels that way. I did get to spend an alternate thanksgiving day (Saturday instead of Thursday) with them and it was actually nice. I still stayed mostly to myself, but there was a warmth just being there.
I am trying to get back in the habit of being less of a hermit, but old habits are hard to break. And when you feel like the only Blue Bird among a family of Robins it's hard not to feel out of place.
But that is not something I can change. I won't change my square self just to fit into their round mold, nor should they stretch their round mold to accommodate my sharp corners. But I think as we've gotten older, we've all learned how to be around each other.
The saddest part of the holidays is, however, when you want to spend the day with someone but find you are unable to. Whether it is due to long distances, other commitments, death, or simply because there is no mutual desire to be together, I think we feel it more during the holidays. Everyone says how important family and friends are during the holidays, but it's true all year long. We feel it more during the holiday season because we are reminded constantly of it during that time of year. And that's not really fair if you think about it.
Looking back, I wonder if I perhaps treated my aunt as the sibling I always wanted. Well, that and I always loved being able to escape from my home.
Years later, I'm a grown woman and find myself wishing for those forced parties again, at least sometimes. I don't see very much of my family anymore. Mostly because I don't want to. As I said, we are oceans apart, or at least it feels that way. I did get to spend an alternate thanksgiving day (Saturday instead of Thursday) with them and it was actually nice. I still stayed mostly to myself, but there was a warmth just being there.
I am trying to get back in the habit of being less of a hermit, but old habits are hard to break. And when you feel like the only Blue Bird among a family of Robins it's hard not to feel out of place.
But that is not something I can change. I won't change my square self just to fit into their round mold, nor should they stretch their round mold to accommodate my sharp corners. But I think as we've gotten older, we've all learned how to be around each other.
The saddest part of the holidays is, however, when you want to spend the day with someone but find you are unable to. Whether it is due to long distances, other commitments, death, or simply because there is no mutual desire to be together, I think we feel it more during the holidays. Everyone says how important family and friends are during the holidays, but it's true all year long. We feel it more during the holiday season because we are reminded constantly of it during that time of year. And that's not really fair if you think about it.
Sunday, December 23, 2012
Wonderland
Recently (less than a month ago actually), I read Alice's Adventures in Wonderland. I still need to read Through the Looking Glass, but I have to say that although Wonderland really did seem like a bizarre place, the book reminded me nothing of the cartoons or movies about Alice in Wonderland that I've seen. There were glimpses of the more commercialized version that gets shown all the time, most of the time I found myself wondering what the heck I was reading.
It's times like that that I wonder how often do artists work get taken for what they were really intended to be. How many people get introspective on why a wall or a dress is blue. Was the writer trying to showcase some internalized depression that he/she wanted the world to see but despite his/her skill could not seem to vocalize correctly...or was it blue because the author simply liked the color?
How many of us are walking through our own version of Wonderland? How often do we go through life trying to make sense of things that are just truly bizarre and should be looked at thusly?
And how often are we grateful to get back to a place where everything makes sense again?
I finally finished my kidlet's gift. It doesn't match up as well as I'd like, but I'm hoping that she won't mind.
It's times like that that I wonder how often do artists work get taken for what they were really intended to be. How many people get introspective on why a wall or a dress is blue. Was the writer trying to showcase some internalized depression that he/she wanted the world to see but despite his/her skill could not seem to vocalize correctly...or was it blue because the author simply liked the color?
How many of us are walking through our own version of Wonderland? How often do we go through life trying to make sense of things that are just truly bizarre and should be looked at thusly?
And how often are we grateful to get back to a place where everything makes sense again?
I finally finished my kidlet's gift. It doesn't match up as well as I'd like, but I'm hoping that she won't mind.
The Holidays are Coming!
Okay, I cheated. I used this same title as the subject of an email, but I thought it was so cute I couldn't resist using it again.
I have been on a Leverage (a TNT series) kick the last few days. It has sucked up a bunch of time, but I do so love the show. I still have a few final gifts to make, but I have been making progress. I only have one that must absolutely get made before the holiday. Actually, since it is a gift for my kid, I have to get it made in just under 24 hours while she is gone with her father.
The Hubby has on the movie The War Horse and I find small parts of it sucking me in to watching. It's one of those movies where I want to reach in and slap a bunch of the characters.
I think I will light a candle today. - Just a random thought.
My thoughts are in such a jumble, there is so much going on that I fear I am not making much sense. I cannot wait until this holiday season is over.
I have been on a Leverage (a TNT series) kick the last few days. It has sucked up a bunch of time, but I do so love the show. I still have a few final gifts to make, but I have been making progress. I only have one that must absolutely get made before the holiday. Actually, since it is a gift for my kid, I have to get it made in just under 24 hours while she is gone with her father.
The Hubby has on the movie The War Horse and I find small parts of it sucking me in to watching. It's one of those movies where I want to reach in and slap a bunch of the characters.
I think I will light a candle today. - Just a random thought.
My thoughts are in such a jumble, there is so much going on that I fear I am not making much sense. I cannot wait until this holiday season is over.
Friday, December 21, 2012
The Past Returns
As I sit here, I listen to my kid talking to a friend. They've been out of touch for a little while and I'm glad it makes my kidlet happy to reunite. There are talks of visits, etc., but I said we will take this slow.
Today has me reflecting back on things. According to many, this is the day that the world "ends". So what do you regret the most? I know this sounds cliche, but I regret some of the choices I didnot make. whether I didn't persue them because I didn't think I could or because I thought I needed to take the more responsible path. Now, as I look back, I sit here and think that I still have so much living to do!
And I plan on doing it! I may have to be on the turtle trail of life for a little while, but I plan on living my life to the fullest. Of not collecting more regrets.
Today has me reflecting back on things. According to many, this is the day that the world "ends". So what do you regret the most? I know this sounds cliche, but I regret some of the choices I didnot make. whether I didn't persue them because I didn't think I could or because I thought I needed to take the more responsible path. Now, as I look back, I sit here and think that I still have so much living to do!
And I plan on doing it! I may have to be on the turtle trail of life for a little while, but I plan on living my life to the fullest. Of not collecting more regrets.
Thursday, December 20, 2012
Addams Family
Thanks to the internet, I have found other people who feel the way I do about the Addams Family.
While most of the people I knew growing up had the basic American dream, I wished I'd be told I was a long lost relative of the Addams'. I would look at Gomez and Morticia and sigh. I wanted that so much. How can anyone not look at them and see the ultimate romance couple? It is clear in everything they do that family comes first. They make time for all their loved ones, but still have a fire inside of themselves reserved only for their mate. Whenever Morticia and Gomez are together, especially when they dance, no one else exists. I've always wanted a man who wanted, no needed me more than the air he breathes. Gomez set a high standard for others to have to follow.
Sometimes when I need inspiration I go back to those old movies or shows.
And don't even get me started on Wednesday Addams. I can almost quote her entire role in the movie Addams Family Values...
I love that they feel free to be themselves. If others have a problem with that, it's their problem. I respect that, and sometimes envy it.
I took another walk today with my girlfriend via technology. We got a few things figured out, now, I sit here and do a little work. I am counting down the days that I have left to get stuff done and all the extra responsibility I am taking onto myself and sometimes wonder how will I find the time to do everything?!
It's days like this that I want to just sit back and relax, with knitting or crochet in hand and remember to try to be a little more like the Addams.
While most of the people I knew growing up had the basic American dream, I wished I'd be told I was a long lost relative of the Addams'. I would look at Gomez and Morticia and sigh. I wanted that so much. How can anyone not look at them and see the ultimate romance couple? It is clear in everything they do that family comes first. They make time for all their loved ones, but still have a fire inside of themselves reserved only for their mate. Whenever Morticia and Gomez are together, especially when they dance, no one else exists. I've always wanted a man who wanted, no needed me more than the air he breathes. Gomez set a high standard for others to have to follow.
Sometimes when I need inspiration I go back to those old movies or shows.
And don't even get me started on Wednesday Addams. I can almost quote her entire role in the movie Addams Family Values...
I love that they feel free to be themselves. If others have a problem with that, it's their problem. I respect that, and sometimes envy it.
I took another walk today with my girlfriend via technology. We got a few things figured out, now, I sit here and do a little work. I am counting down the days that I have left to get stuff done and all the extra responsibility I am taking onto myself and sometimes wonder how will I find the time to do everything?!
It's days like this that I want to just sit back and relax, with knitting or crochet in hand and remember to try to be a little more like the Addams.
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Merry Bah Humbug...
Okay, it's really no surprise to those who know me that this is not my favorite holiday. I enjoy it okay, but I think it's gotten to be too commercialized. It's a holiday of high stress and too many people getting offended by small things and become entirely too based around "if you love me you will spend a lot of money on me".
I remember being that way when I was younger. Christmas was great -- but I only liked the gifts and the small break from school. Though I did think my childhood tree was beautiful with it's mixed and matched ornaments from old and new and antique and handmade items and the mixture of all color lights, I never liked any other part of it. I don't particularly care for Christmas music or movies or...well, any of it.
I've always been more of a Halloween girl.
As I sit here in this fast food place where I have taken mild refuge to write a little and ponder a few things to try to clear my head or organize ideas, I can't help but look around and be amazed. There's less than a week until Christmas, but looking around, I can't tell. It doesn't FEEL like Christmas is here. Is it because I've become so jaded in my older years, or is it because it feels like they try to start the "holiday cheer" earlier and earlier. There were Christmas items out before Halloween items this year! Maybe Christmas is really a child's holiday, magickal only for them...
I sit beside the messenger backpack that I've taken to using as a purse. It's time for me to go through it yet again and clean it out and rearrange things. Ironically most of what will come out will get put right back inside. I have to have my electronics with me for ease of being able to write, and my charger so that I can well, charge them. (I am ever so grateful that almost everything will accept the same charger cord so I don't have to have twenty cords with me...). Then there are my Tarot Cards (2 decks) that I try to always have on me, pens, lotions (personal and the one I don't mind sharing should anyone ask) and the normal stuff, a little makeup, wallet, extra batteries, calendar, etc. Whew. I think I carry too much stuff with me, but when I lay it all out, it all makes sense for me to carry around! So, what can I do?
I will have to mend my beloved bag again very soon, it's getting used so much it's getting holes, but it is certainly well loved!
My good intentions of making my Christmas Gifts has begun to diminish. I'm still stuck on the few that I have left to do and can't figure out why I haven't just gotten them done with. My to do list is growing ever so much longer and my commitments deeper, my schedule is filling up and here I sit, just trying to take it easy, taking a break and trying to collect my thoughts.
But at least with doing this, I am beginning to get ideas that I will need to begin working on immediately if I want to put those plans into action. And it's high time that I start beating some of my characters into submission so that I can continue to grow and work on new things. Maybe that's why it doesn't seem so magickal outside, because (at least for me) I have so much trapped inside that it's hard for me to see the beauty around me...
I remember being that way when I was younger. Christmas was great -- but I only liked the gifts and the small break from school. Though I did think my childhood tree was beautiful with it's mixed and matched ornaments from old and new and antique and handmade items and the mixture of all color lights, I never liked any other part of it. I don't particularly care for Christmas music or movies or...well, any of it.
I've always been more of a Halloween girl.
As I sit here in this fast food place where I have taken mild refuge to write a little and ponder a few things to try to clear my head or organize ideas, I can't help but look around and be amazed. There's less than a week until Christmas, but looking around, I can't tell. It doesn't FEEL like Christmas is here. Is it because I've become so jaded in my older years, or is it because it feels like they try to start the "holiday cheer" earlier and earlier. There were Christmas items out before Halloween items this year! Maybe Christmas is really a child's holiday, magickal only for them...
I sit beside the messenger backpack that I've taken to using as a purse. It's time for me to go through it yet again and clean it out and rearrange things. Ironically most of what will come out will get put right back inside. I have to have my electronics with me for ease of being able to write, and my charger so that I can well, charge them. (I am ever so grateful that almost everything will accept the same charger cord so I don't have to have twenty cords with me...). Then there are my Tarot Cards (2 decks) that I try to always have on me, pens, lotions (personal and the one I don't mind sharing should anyone ask) and the normal stuff, a little makeup, wallet, extra batteries, calendar, etc. Whew. I think I carry too much stuff with me, but when I lay it all out, it all makes sense for me to carry around! So, what can I do?
I will have to mend my beloved bag again very soon, it's getting used so much it's getting holes, but it is certainly well loved!
My good intentions of making my Christmas Gifts has begun to diminish. I'm still stuck on the few that I have left to do and can't figure out why I haven't just gotten them done with. My to do list is growing ever so much longer and my commitments deeper, my schedule is filling up and here I sit, just trying to take it easy, taking a break and trying to collect my thoughts.
But at least with doing this, I am beginning to get ideas that I will need to begin working on immediately if I want to put those plans into action. And it's high time that I start beating some of my characters into submission so that I can continue to grow and work on new things. Maybe that's why it doesn't seem so magickal outside, because (at least for me) I have so much trapped inside that it's hard for me to see the beauty around me...
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
too long
She is alive!!!
My best friends say I am good with plans. And lists. I guess I would agree with that. So, in an effort to get back to a lot of things, I have a plan to get back to myself.
Step One: Take a walk everyday. Okay, this may not seem very important but it is. Especially since I feel I have been gaining weight. Getting out for a walk everyday will help me get exercise as well as get me out to clear my head. Sometimes if you don't force a change, things get stagnant. And it's hard to keep a creative atmosphere when you are constantly sitting there saying "okay ideas, any time now..." So, getting a break is a wonderful thing.
Step Two: Scheduling. As good as I can be with plans and lists, the schedule is still my nemesis. But if I am going to be successful, I will need to begin scheduling everything. But, the first step in scheduling is to write down how much time I spend on things a day. This way I can attempt to fit everything in from cleaning to writing to making time with the hubby to exercise to just having me time.
Step Three.: Surf... I need to be out more, even if it's trolling around other websites and author loops and blogs, etc, I need to get back out there and build my reputation back up.
Step Four: Okay...I haven't quite gotten that far. But it's a wonderful beginning to my list.
Most importantly is to maintain things. I have no problems beginning things or working on it for a little while. My problem comes in when it's time for me t continue. There's a small voice inside my head that says "you know this isn't working right?" So it becomes very easy for me to just slack off for this reason or that. Then the next thing I know, it's been weeks or months since I posted and boom, the same little voice tells me that I shouldn't worry about doing so now because, really, what's the point?
It's the same voice that talks me out of going for a walk everyday. It's the voice I need to tune out.
One of my girlfriends and I went for a walk today. We decided to take advantage of our technology and walk together. How does this tie in? Well, it's the same thing that I have to do with other things. I need to just stop creating excuses and start getting out there again. Even if just for my own sanity.
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