Holiday

When I was growing up, the holidays meant family coming together. Most of my life, that's what it was all about, whether I wanted to do it or not. As a teen, through most of high school, Christmas Day was anticipated. I looked forward to getting up early, opening my presents, then enjoying Christmas breakfast at my Uncle's house. Then I would stay there, hanging out with my aunt (as opposed to my cousins) because we actually enjoyed most of the same things. We'd watch movies, cross stitch, and read. I'd go home when Winter break was over, or sometimes for the new year. But that was the highlight of my Christmas vacation for me. Hanging out with my Aunt - though I'd try to ignore my cousins. They were my age and yet we seemed oceans apart.
Looking back, I wonder if I perhaps treated my aunt as the sibling I always wanted. Well, that and I always loved being able to escape from my home.
Years later, I'm a grown woman and find myself wishing for those forced parties again, at least sometimes. I don't see very much of my family anymore. Mostly because I don't want to. As I said, we are oceans apart, or at least it feels that way. I did get to spend an alternate thanksgiving day (Saturday instead of Thursday) with them and it was actually nice. I still stayed mostly to myself, but there was a warmth just being there.
I am trying to get back in the habit of being less of a hermit, but old habits are hard to break. And when you feel like the only Blue Bird among a family of Robins it's hard not to feel out of place.
But that is not something I can change. I won't change my square self just to fit into their round mold, nor should they stretch their round mold to accommodate my sharp corners. But I think as we've gotten older, we've all learned how to be around each other.
The saddest part of the holidays is, however, when you want to spend the day with someone but find you are unable to. Whether it is due to long distances, other commitments, death, or simply because there is no mutual desire to be together, I think we feel it more during the holidays. Everyone says how important family and friends are during the holidays, but it's true all year long. We feel it more during the holiday season because we are reminded constantly of it during that time of year. And that's not really fair if you think about it.